Computer program predicts text of Obama's Inaugural

My fellow Americans, today is a rancid day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "flatulence", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually hump.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces foetid and flaccid challenges like never before. Our economy is ghastly. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for baggies of crack. Our healthcare system is punchdrunk. If your ass is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a manicurist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a greasy drainplug. But bumping together we can right this ship, and set a course for your mamma's backyard.

Finally, I must thank my gassy family, my boring campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank you morons for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of blessing the American people. Without your noble efforts, none of this would have been possible.

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